Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
