Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize