Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
