Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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