I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I love you. Go after that dick
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
