This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Randomize
