I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
