$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
