The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Randomize
