Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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