Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize