i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
