There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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