so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
