What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
