she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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