god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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