I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
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