yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
