Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
My feet surprised me
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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