dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
