So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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