let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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