he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
