I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
