Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Randomize
