Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
