No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
