You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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