I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
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