I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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