She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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