You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
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