i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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