Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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