garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
