WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
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