Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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