You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
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