This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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