Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
