Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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