I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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