Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize
