Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I will be naked everywhere
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
