he wants to bone in the snuggie
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Randomize
