Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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