He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
