Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
