just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
