i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize