I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
