She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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