Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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