Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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