Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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