Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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