you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
