I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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