You smell like stripper and shame
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
