Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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