it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize