We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
