She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
