She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
