hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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