I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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