I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Randomize
