How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
