She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
