You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
