Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
