So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
