So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Randomize
