I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
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