it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I think my fart just growled at me.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
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