I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Someone stole a lamp last night.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
