i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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