Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Randomize
