can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
