I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
